Personal Dictionary

Because I am seriously misanthropic and don't have a large community with which to share vocabulary, I seem to have developed my own peculiar use of words. Sometimes this causes a serious communication problem, like the time I told a sommelier that my wine tasted warm and he asked if he should chill it for me. So here is your reference next time I use a word in an unfamiliar context.

Barbie - adj., a beautiful but shallow and narcissistic girl. Works best as a unique identifier when you know several women with the same name and want to single out the one you dislike. Example: Did you hear that Barbie Becky used her college fund to get plastic surgery?

Blair Witch - adj., something of mixed authenticity or sincerity. Example: That last Bruce Campbell novel was seriously in Blair Witch territory. Does he even know Richard Gere?

Bug - noun, an endearment, usually for a small animal. Example: Isn't he just the cutest fluffy fluff-bug?

Entitlement - noun, a sense that one deserves something for some passive quality, and particularly that one deserves it more than everyone else, regardless of the typical rules of fair play. Often manifests in mothers, rich teenage girls, and businesspersons. Can be used in the verbal form also. Example: I can't believe that mother of two cut in line in front of 200 people who had been waiting all day. That's some bald-faced entitlement!

Froofy - adj., describing a woman with large, overstyled hair. By extension, anything too girly, cluttered, and unnecessary. Example: She had this awful froofy room with teddy bears and precious moments everywhere.

Honey - noun, an attractive person; someone you would have sex with. Example: Scott Cohen is such a honey!

Mercutian - adj., someone possessing the mystery, wit, and attraction of Shakespeare's Mercutio. A jester with sex appeal. Example: David Tennant plays a very Mercutian Doctor Who.

Puppy - noun, an adorable dog of any age. Example: I haven't seen your puppy in years, how is he doing?

Stuptastic - adjective, something stupid on such a large scale that it's fantastic. From the TV show "Top Gear." Example: You put an entire bar in your trunk?!? That's stuptastic!

UME - noun, an acronym for Unjustified Male Ego, referring to the overconfidence often found in men lacking physical, mental, or artistic merit, with this attitude especially prominent when comparing themselves to women. This trait often leads to violent outbursts in an attempt to maintain male superiority. Example: I was almost run off the road by a guy with serious UME after I tried to pass him in the carpool lane.

Warm - adj., a flavor homey and comforting, reminiscent of sitting by a crackling fire on a snowy night. Example: I loved that tea. It was so warm and cinnamony.